**I honestly haven't been on xanga since like February...I hate what they've done to it.

Aaaaaaaanyway...

20 Things I Miss

1. Getting distracted by holes in the road or in tree trunks or between rocks, going off on long tangent epic stories in my head about magical worlds connected to ours through one hole in the pavement.
2. Your giant red maple tree, with the velvet smooth bark and the perfect climbing branches.
3. Our fort in the bushes in your front yard that we decorated with strings of beads.
4. Sleeping over at your house, making cookie dough and eating it, watching Never Been Kissed, your drooling dogs, all the unicorns in your room.
5. Being positive that somewhere in the world, unicorns do exist.
6. Being excited about new stickers for my sticker books.
7. The fort across the street; feeling like Pocahontas leaping through the tall wetland grass all the way from one end to the other.
8. All my duck friends at the pond who greeted me when they saw me coming with their bread, and the Battle Tree.
9. How huge the waterpark looked to me back then.
10. Smelly markers.
11. Watching the baby birds under the deck as they grow.
12. When I could swim for 6 hours and it never got boring, ever (imagining I was a huge underwater dinosaur).
13. Watching power rangers and he-man because my brother thought they were cool.
14. Recess.
15. Having Spa Mondays with you, and friends who I could do such girly things with.
16. When I was so excited about the color yellow.
17. My dad's old brown truck; when he would pretend he didn't know the way so I could tell him where to turn.
18. Drawing with chalk on the driveway.
19. Jumping through the sprinkler.
20. When summer break was completely free of responsibility.

What do you miss?

Can't stand by and let this happen.

Am thoroughly outraged.

Signed this petition.

In the COMMENT box I said:

I can't stand by and let polaroid instant film disappear. At the age of nineteen, I feel I've hardly been able to explore and enjoy the possibilities and spontaneous charm of this wonderful medium; to cease producing it would take away the opportunity completely. There is a wonderful quality and sweetness of every polaroid taken that makes me cherish it far more than any other type of film--I want to continue documenting the people and places in my life that are important to me in this incredibly unique way, and I want everyone else (and future generations; I'm so jealous of my parents' generation, who had a limitless supply of polaroids and no worries that they would disappear) to have that opportunity as well. I want to paper my world with polaroids of people and places I love.

Just thought I should pass on the information and the opportunity to sign the petition if you're interested.

When listening to Fiona Apple's cover of Across the Universe, a few things come to mind.

-apple trees with bright green leaves, and the sun shining through them as the wind blows, and a bright blue sky with sparse, fluffy clouds
-greenish blueish water in a pond; a view from underwater of duck's feet and white bellies as they swim
-the feeling i get after laying under the table by the space heater for a long time--all the blood rushing to the back of my head
-sending letters; putting the little red flag up on the mailbox
-great polaroids of great people
-old faded rusty trucks
-my big brother and his retro glasses and that mischevious smile
-laying in the hammock as it sways with the leaves
-the white flower petals that fall diagonally like snow in spring
-the indescribably beautiful, fresh spring smell of the blossoms in the trees around my house, and the swarms of mating monarchs that surround them
-floating down a river on my back with my face to the sun
-technicolor
-lifting off and floating away. no worries.
-summer, summer, summer.

can you tell it's super effing cold here? =)

i'm so ready for summer. i have the perfect thrifty summer dress and everything.

I don't want to say they're "new year's resolutions", because I never make those and they aren't meant to last anyway. These are things I'm going to try to keep in mind.

1) I will wear my retainers regularly.
2) I will not let fear govern my actions.
3) I will try my best, and I won't give up.
4) I will forgive.
5) I will enjoy my own life, whatever it takes, and I will work on finding a way to do what I want, to create, without having to bust my ass at a job I hate like the rest of modern society.
6) I will try not to forget about the beauty.

I'm sure there are tons more things that I would like to keep in mind all year, but these are the ones that come to mind the quickest. These are the ones that encompass most of everything, I think.

Some words of parting.

This year I learned:

~ about love
~ a little about hate, too
~ nothing is final
~ snooping is usually a bad idea
~ the world is a bigger place than I'll probably ever be able to comprehend
~ the world is a smaller place than I'll probably ever be able to comprehend
~ so much passion is truly exhausting at times
~ so much passion is a thing to be truly thankful for, in the end
~ I'm lucky to have ever had any of my experiences, good and horrible
~ turns out, winter isn't the end of the world after all
~ my brother is my hero
~ my family is a good one
~ I really do love my tiny, hyper-as-hell, never-stops-yapping little dog
~ "alone time" will always be an essential in my life
~ I never want to hurt anyone, but I guess it can't always be helped
~ people come and people go
~ somehow we'll find a way to live that allows us to do what we LOVE
~ somehow I'll find a way to CREATE and therefore enjoy my life
~ I really like photography, and hey, I'm kinda good at it
~ friends are more rare than I ever thought they were
~ friends are less rare than I ever thought they were (sometimes)
~ the opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation (woo!)
~ it's just not black and white, folks
~ how to be on time
~ how to spend wisely
~ I am far less willing than most people around me to "just suck it up"
~ I refuse to let fear govern my actions
~ my greatest fears are A) people B) being alone forever
~ I think humans may be the greatest and most terrible things on Earth, capable of any feat, making them both wondrous and horrifying
~ we're all human, and that's okay
~ I refuse to let the past hold onto me
~ everything happens for a reason
~ everyone deserves everything
~ sometimes you don't get what you want, and it turns out better
~ patience is a virtue
~ how grandiose this whole entire world is
~ sometimes, when things look their very very darkest, that's how you know you shouldn't give up, because in the end they'll be their very very brightest if you just be brave and hold on.

And now, a word to him:

I have all these dry words to say. Everybody’s doing it today. I give my year a twice-over; I look at it again. Incidentally it was rounded out by you began with you ended with you was full to the brim stuffed full so full with you. In a week or so we will have known each other for a year. I still remember what it was like when you were a stranger with a foreign face. I fell in love this year.

Last night we howled at the moon in a reddish fever, “pampered animals that rage in savage sensuality”. Remember—we are tigers when we are together. There’s nothing so fitting as our blazing reddish fever. I’m just glad to be back in your cage before the year closes. I’m trying to stay brave in your electric cage this time. Wish I could drink your lips at midnight to start it over fresh as air. After all I fell in love this year.

So I don’t know how it’ll go but we can try try try because sometimes there is no end. To think you were a beautiful foreign face and now we both feel like puzzle pieces. I hope that doesn’t still scare you. This year wasn’t all about you but it was a lot about you and I remember I’m lucky. Yeah, I’m lucky. Sure I got a lot of cuts and bruises but I fell in love this year.

Goodbye, 2007, you were good to me. I will remember you fondly.

Kisses,

Casey R. Vange